Friday 19 September 2008

Reavsey Write-Up

We are honoured to have received a Reavsey Write-Up for our Zebra Bar Gig...and so...without further ado....

UFK - Zebra Bar 17 Sep Maidstone

I hope you dont mind me doing this...

I arrived just in time for Mr Fraser to buy me a drink a few seconds before he stepped on stage and after I had trekked half way accross England (well 3 counties of it anyway) to get there. The timing was perfect.

UFK were Justin and Andy and were the opening act.

Mr Fraser was the consumate pro bantering with the audience (and at one point blending with them as one) interesting to note, that the UFK audience was the largest of the evening of all the 4 bands on. Justin was solid on guitar and vocals a suitable foil to the naughty Mr Fraser's high jinx. Additional vocals provided by what appeared to be a member of the audience but was an eX Band member.

All of the songs were well played/performed by UFK with Andy turnining on his unique style and charm which made me chuckle on more than one occasion.

The lovely Rio was filming proceedings so hopefully we will see some clips of the gig soon. several photographers were also snapping away which included the trusty Medway photo man Phil Dillon.

The highlights for me were "Loserville" and particularly the epic ending to "Made In Russia" which was still running around in my head when I woke up this morning (You subliminal bastard! ;o)...The song is very informative (which is not unusual with UFK songs) and lists some of the famous and very lovely things that Russia has given/done/ To and made for us....

I particularly liked the line something like "My Cat was spayed in Russia"... classic!

Seriously though, it was a great performance and very very entertaining..not just a singer..not just a band...but and all round entertainment package.

If you didnt say "Little Paul McCartney got laid in Russia" I wish you had of as thats what I thought you said...and laughed myself shitless.

I hope you do it all again soon I really did enjoy it and meeting up with Rio and yourself and assorted lovely Kent folk.

Your roving reporter...Seymour Stein

Sunday 14 September 2008

Made In Russia for Justin Strangeways

Unlucky Fried Kitten are looking good for the gig on Wednesday 17th at The Zebra Bar with Shoot The Moone, Cellar 170, and Monday Street. Justin Strangeways and Andy Export have been practicing the songs and Andy has been making the Unlucky Fried Kitten props.
Made In Russia by Unlucky Fried Kitten
(words for justin)

MY GIRL WAS MADE IN RUSSIA
MY FRIENDS WON'T EVEN TOUCH HER
I NEVER KNEW THEY COULD BE
SO DOWNRIGHT NASTY TO ME

HOW CAN I ACHIEVE MY POPULARITY
CONVINCE MY ASSOCIATES OF SIMPLICITY
TAKE MY FRIENDS TO THE CLEANERS WITH ME
LETTING THEM KNOW IT IS NOT A TYRANNY

MY GIRL (ETC)

KNOWLEDGE OF A PASSION IS ALL THAT THEY REQUIRE
KNOWLEDGE THAT SHE CAN HAVE WHAT SHE DESIRES
LETTING THEM KNOW THAT SHE HAS FEELINGS AS DO THEY
SHE'S NOT A GREMLIN FROM THE KREMLIN
NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY

MY GIRL WAS MADE IN RUSSIA
GORBACHOV WAS MADE IN RUSSIA
ANNA PAVLOVA WAS MADE IN RUSSIA
KALISHNIKOV WAS MADE IN RUSSIA
ANDRE KONCHELSKI WAS MADE IN RUSSIA
THE BOLSHOI BALLET WAS MADE IN RUSSIA
STALIN AND LENIN DECAYED IN RUSSIA
007 WAS LAID IN RUSSIA
MY LITTLE RUSSIAN KITTEN WAS SPAYED IN RUSSIA
LIVERPOOL McCARTNEY HE PLAYED IN RUSSIA
MOSKOVICH WAS MADE IN RUSSIA
ROMAN ABRAMOVICH WAS MADE IN RUSSIA

Thursday 4 September 2008

Justin Strangeways...addition

Unlucky Fried Kitten Latest

Justin Strangeways (guitar and vocals)
Andy Export (vocals)

Rio Fraser (programming)
Unlucky Fried Kitten had a practise today and would like to record the following notes:
The running order for the Zebra Bar gig on September 17th will be.

1. I Am A Spider
2. Shooting Star
3. Loserville.com
4. People
5. Scrap Metal
6. Baby Blue
7. Made In Russia

The first and last songs are set in stone for position. The order of the others is up for discussion, depending on Justin's preference.
Andy and Justin ran through the songs today at around 1.30 to 2.30. Mostly the sound is there. Just a few more practices.
Points of concern: (good or bad)
Baby Blue will need more attention because Andy's vocal was in disarray. He needs to find a structure for it and he has to decide if he's gonna sing high or low…or if he's gonna change it mid-song.
Shooting Star and Baby Blue definitely need to be slightly faster than the versions on the album. Being a duo, for this, dictates the pace….both for Andy's flow of voice and for Justin's velocity of rhythm.
Loserville needs to be faster. Making it faster will not make the set shorter…there are a multitude of extra verses which can be used if it seems like time is being killed with too much voracity.
Made In Russia. We are happy to announce the new arrival of an extra chord in Made In Russia. The chord, weighing about the weight of a downward stroke with a plectrum, will be called "F". When asked "Is it a downward stroke or an upward stroke?" Justin replied. "I don't mind….as long as it is healthy"
Props: So far we have the cut-out characters for People. Brains are sub-consciously considering props for other songs. (even whilst we are sleeping)
Next time we meet we will run through the set from start to finish…or Take It From The Top…as they say in the music biz…and we will treat it as if it is our gig. This means we do not stop to dissect any small error (we craft our way out of the situation) It also enables us to time our set…which will show us if we will be short or if we will over-run. (allowing for on-stage banter and ducking from flying ash-trays. Rio will record our run-through…but not necessarily the next one…perhaps the one after that.
I Am A Spider is played in G Em C D. It doesn't stretch Andy's voice too much and it gives more scope for backing vocals.
That's about it then.
Rehearsal left Andy in high spirits and the gig…Unlucky Fried Kitten at the Zebra Bar on September 17th will be much anticipated.
Also on the bill for the gig:
Monday Street
Cellar 170
Shoot The Moone
Addition....Justin Strangeways is probably taking over the lead vocal on Baby Blue for this gig.

Tuesday 2 September 2008

Unlucky Fried Kitten (rehearsal notes)

Justin Older (guitar and vocals)
Andy Export (vocals)
Unlucky Fried Kitten had a practise today and would like to record the following notes:
The running order for the Zebra Bar gig on September 17th will be.

1. I Am A Spider
2. Shooting Star
3. Loserville.com
4. People
5. Scrap Metal
6. Baby Blue
7. Made In Russia

The first and last songs are set in stone for position. The order of the others is up for discussion, depending on Justin's preference.
Andy and Justin ran through the songs today at around 1.30 to 2.30. Mostly the sound is there. Just a few more practices.
Points of concern: (good or bad)
Baby Blue will need more attention because Andy's vocal was in disarray. He needs to find a structure for it and he has to decide if he's gonna sing high or low...or if he's gonna change it mid-song.
Shooting Star and Baby Blue definitely need to be slightly faster than the versions on the album. Being a duo, for this, dictates the pace....both for Andy's flow of voice and for Justin's velocity of rhythm.
Loserville needs to be faster. Making it faster will not make the set shorter...there are a multitude of extra verses which can be used if it seems like time is being killed with too much voracity.
Made In Russia. We are happy to announce the new arrival of an extra chord in Made In Russia. The chord, weighing about the weight of a downward stroke with a plectrum, will be called "F". When asked "Is it a downward stroke or an upward stroke?" Justin replied. "I don't mind....as long as it is healthy"
Props: So far we have the cut-out characters for People. Brains are sub-consciously considering props for other songs. (even whilst we are sleeping)
Next time we meet we will run through the set from start to finish...or Take It From The Top...as they say in the music biz...and we will treat it as if it is our gig. This means we do not stop to dissect any small error (we craft our way out of the situation) It also enables us to time our set...which will show us if we will be short or if we will over-run. (allowing for on-stage banter and ducking from flying ash-trays. Rio will record our run-through...but not necessarily the next one...perhaps the one after that.
I Am A Spider is played in G Em C D. It doesn't stretch Andy's voice too much and it gives more scope for backing vocals.
That's about it then.
Rehearsal left Andy in high spirits and the gig...Unlucky Fried Kitten at the Zebra Bar on September 17th will be much anticipated.
Also on the bill for the gig:
Monday Street
Cellar 170
Shoot The Moone

Sunday 31 August 2008

People (continued)



PEOPLE


BILLY’S NOT ALL THERE, HE’S A BIT OF A SOD
HE TORTURES ALL THE KIDS WITH A CATTLE PROD
HE SAYS HE HEARS THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD FROM GOD
HE DROWNED HIS LITTLE CAT IN A WELL
I THINK HE KILLED HIS BROTHER AS WELL

IT’S ONLY PEOPLE, YOU’RE HAVING A LAUGH
IT’S ONLY PEOPLE, WE DON’T DO THINGS BY HALF
IT’S ONLY PEOPLE, WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE?
IT’S ONLY PEOPLE, ARE YOU TALIKING TO ME?

SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN MESS WITH YOUR BRAIN
SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN DRIVE YOU INSANE
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE DOWN ON THEIR LUCK
SOMETIMES PEOPLE JUST DON’T GIVE A DAMN

MICKEY IS A PUGILIST, FIGHTS IN THE STREET
ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A GEEZER TO BEAT
SMASH WITH THE FIST AND IN WITH HIS FEET
ON SATURDAY HE GOES TO THE GAME
LOOKING FOR SOME ARSENAL TO MAIM

IT’S ONLY PEOPLE ETC

SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN MESS WITH YOUR HEAD
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE BETTER OFF DEAD
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE HONEST AND FRANK
SOMETIMES PEOPLE JUST AIN’T WORTH A LIGHT

LIZZIE IS A RICH GIRL, LIVES ON A FARM
I CAN EXCAVATE HER HIDDEN CHARM
FOUR LITTLE FINGERS AND HALF MY ARM
SHE DOES A LITTLE TRICK WITH HER THIGHS
IT REALLY BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES

IT’S ONLY PEOPLE ETC



SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN MESS WITH YOUR MIND
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE NOT VERY KIND
SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN PUT ON A FRONT
SOMETIMES PEOPLE WILL ACT LIKE A FOOL

SUZIE IS AN EMO KID, JUST SEVENTENN
WE FOUND HER WITH A JAR OF VASELINE
SHE WRAPPED HER LACERATIONS IN POLYTHENE
I THINK SHE ONLY CAME FOR THE DAY
SOMEBODY OUGHTA LOCK HER AWAY

IT’S ONLY PEOPLE ETC

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE RIDDLED WITH HATE
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE EVERYONE’S MATE
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE LIVING A FARCE
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE A PAIN IN THE NECK

ROBBIE IS A PORN STAR, KING OF THE SET
LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION, BACK OF THE NET
HIS POWDER IS DRY BUT HIS SHEETS ARE WET
HE TAKES HIS LITTLE STARLET TO BED
AND SOMETIMES IT WILL GO TO HER HEAD
(IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN)

IT’S ONLY PEOPLE ETC

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE MAKING A FUSS
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE ALMOST LIKE US
SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON’T KNOW WHERE TO SIT
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE COVERED IN SHIT


That was our "People" song which we are doing on 17th September when UFK play the Zebra Bar. Within tese 2 posts you can read the lyric...see and hear the practice video...and see the little cut-outs of the characters from the song.

People





This is one of our songs for the Zebra Bar gig on 17th September

Thursday 28 August 2008

Unlucky Fried Kitten- rehearsal 28th August 2008

Decisions were made in a pub meeting at The Cherry Tree last night...a meeting attended by Justin Older (rhythm/lead/backing vocals) and Andy Export (acoustic/vocals) both of Unlucky Fried Kitten...a Maidstone pop band. The UFK song Baby Blue has been added to the set-list for the gig at the Zebra Bar in Maidstone on 17th September, 2008.
The updated set-list:

Baby Blue
People (news of the world)
Made In Russia
Shooting Star
To Whom It May Concern
Scrap Metal
Loserville

Saturday 23 August 2008

Fosters Haunted House by Unlucky Fried Kitten

DRINKING FOSTERS LAGER IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

IN THIS HOUSE THE FLOORBOARDS ALWAYS CREAK
LOOK, A MOUSE, DID YOU HEAR IT SQUEAK
DUST AND COBWEBS HANGING FROM THE WALLS
BUT WE’RE DRINKING FOSTERS LAGER IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

HERE’S A SPIDER EATING ALL THE FLIES
IN THE BED ROOM A GIRL WITH PLUGHOLE EYES
A THOUSAND POUNDS IF WE CAN STAY THE NIGHT
AND WE’RE DRINKING FOSTERS LAGER IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

YOU KNOW WE REALLY LOVE IT AND THE GHOSTS ARE THRILLED
REFRESHING FOSTERS ICE AND SUPER-CHILLED
THEY THOUGHT WE WOULDN’T HACK IT BUT WE ALWAYS WILL
DRINKING FOSTERS LAGER IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

IN THIS HOUSE THE HANDLES ALWAYS TURN
LATE AT NIGHT THE CANDLES ALWAYS BURN
IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR THE PIANO PLAYS ITSELF
THE GHOST OF MOZART DRINKING FOSTERS IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

CRUMBLING GRAVES AND PUMPKINS ON THE LAWN
YOU WILL WISH YOU WERE NEVER EVEN BORN
ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE
BUT WE’VE GOT OUR FOSTERS LAGER IN OUR HAUNTED HOUSE

YOU KNOW WE REALLY LOVE IT WHEN THE STARS COME OUT
WE DRINK OUR FOSTERS ICE AND WE DANCE ABOUT
THEY THOUGHT WE WOULD BE SCARED BUT IT’S ALL WORKED OUT
COS WE’VE GOT FOSTERS LAGER IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

DON’T LOOK NOW, THERE’S SOMETHING ON THE STAIRS
THE GIRL WITH THE PLUGHOLE EYES JUST SITS AND STARES
COVER YOUR EYES AND DON’T FORGET TO SCREAM
SHE’S DRINKING FOSTERS LAGER IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

The Fosters Meeces

THE FOSTERS MEECES

I COULD RIP YOU TO PIECES WITH MY TERRIBLE MEECES
BUT THAT WOULD UPSET YOUR MOTHER
I COULD RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND LEAVE YOU WITH A SORE HEAD
SO YOU’D BETTER RUN FOR COVER
WE SWOOP IN WITH THE BREEZE COS WE ARE AFTER YOUR CHEESE
AND SOME SUCH FOOD OR OTHER
YOU CAN SEND OUT YOUR CAT BUT YOUR OLD CAT IS TOO FAT
SO YOU’D BETTER GO AND GET ANOTHER

WE ARE THE MEECES
THE FOSTERS MEECES

WE WATCH OUT FOR THE BROOMS AS WE RUN THROUGH YOUR ROOMS
AND WE SQUEAK JUST LIKE YOUR PLUMBING
AS WE PLAY IN YOUR FIELDS THE LITTLE NESTS THAT WE BUILD
ARE REALLY QUITE MIND-NUMBING
WE SING SONGS WITH THE BIRDS BUT WE DON’T KNOW THE WORDS
THAT’S WHY WE’RE ALWAYS HUMMING
BUT WE RUN FOR OUR LIFE WHEN WE SEE A BIG KNIFE
BECAUSE THE FARMER’S WIFE IS COMING

WE ARE THE MEECES
THE FOSTERS MEECES

WE’VE GOT TEETH THAT CAN CHEW AND WE’RE CHEWING STRAIGHT THROUGH
ALL YOUR WIRES AND YOUR CABLES
WHEN YOU LEAVE OUT YOUR FOOD, WELL CONSIDER IT CHEWED
ON THE PLATES UPON YOUR TABLES
YOU CAN JUMP IN THE AIR AS YOU STAND ON YOUR CHAIR
COS WE GIVE YOU APPREHENSION
YOU CAN’T BRUSH US AWAY, IT’S A TERRIBLE DAY
AND, OH, DID I FORGET TO MENTION

WE ARE THE MEECES
THE FOSTERS MEECES

YOU MIGHT THINK WE ARE MEEK COS WE LIKE A GOOD SQUEAK
AND WE LIKE TO NICK YOUR LAGER
DON’T PRETEND YOU’RE NOT SCARED THAT’S WHY YOU JUMP ON YOUR CHAIR
SO THIS IS OUR LAGER SAGA

WE ARE THE MEECES
THE FOSTERS MEECES SQUEAKING AROUND SQUEAKING AROUND

King of the Stars by Unlucky Fried Kitten

KING OF THE STARS

I HAVE AN EMPIRE IN THE UNIVERSE UP IN THE SKY
AND IF YOU WANT TO VISIT ME PLEASE DROP BY
I HAVE AN ARMY OF SPACE-FROGS TO PROTECT MY ZONE
I DICTATE MY ORDERS ON A MOBILE PHONE

I AM KING OF THE STARS, VENUS, JUIPTER, MARS
FLYING SAUCERS SHAPED LIKE CIGARS
I AM THE KING OF THE STARS

ON EARTH YOU HAVE COMPUTERS AND YOU THINK IT’S FINE
BUT WE HAVE HAD COMPUTERS SINCE THE START OF TIME
WE’VE GOT YOU IN OUR RADAR EACH AND EVERY ONE
TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER AND LET’S HAVE SOME FUN

I AM KING OF THE STARS, SATURN, MERCURY, MARS
WE LIVE IN BOTTLES AND JARS
I AM THE KING OF THE STARS

DID YOU REALLY DOUBT HOW OUR SOCIETY RUNS
DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU WERE THE ONLY ONES
DID YOU REALLY THINK THERE WAS NO LIFE ON MARS
YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND I AM THE KING OF THE STARS

I AM KING OF THE STARS, PLUTO, NEPTUNE AND MARS
WE DRIVE TITANIUM CARS
AND I AM KING OF THE STARS

My Applemac is my Best Friend..Unlucky Fried Kitten

MY APPLE MAC IS MY BEST FRIEND
WE DON’T NEED ADVERTISING STRATEGIES TO REMIND US WHAT TO BUY
WE DON’T NEED HOLLYWOOD DIRECTORS TO REMIND US WHEN TO CRY
WE DON’T NEED TO SPOUT TECHNOLOGY TO FEED OUR INSPIRATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

WE DON’T NEED CHEMICALS AND ADDITIVES TO LIFT US TO SUCCESS
WE DON’T NEED FANCY-DAN DIPLOMAS SIGNED IN TRIPLICATE TO IMPRESS
WE DON’T NEED SUPERSONIC ROCKET-SHIPS TO DELIVER US TO OUR STATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

MY APPLE MAC IS MY BEST FRIEND
MY APPLE MAC IS MY BEST FRIEND
MY APPLE MAC IS MY BEST FRIEND

WE DON’T NEED MULTIPLE PERSONAS TO OBSTRUCT US IN OUR MISSION
WE DON’T NEED GROSS CELEBRITY TO OFFER US POSITION
WE DON’T WANT TRAUMA- COMPLEX TO ADMINISTER OUR SALVATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

WE DON’T NEED GUITARS WITH KNOBS ON THAT WILL TEACH US HOW TO PLAY
NO UTOPIAN LEXICOGRAPHERS TO LEARN US WHAT TO SAY
IF HI-TECH IS YOUR COUNTRY’S GOAL YOU’VE GOT A STUPID NATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

IN DAYS OF OLD WHEN KNIGHTS WERE BOLD AND MOPEDS WEREN’T INVENTED
THEY HAD TO RIDE ON HORSEBACK BUT THE BUGGERS WERE CONTENTED
WE DON’T NEED DIALS AND MEDIA FILES OR HIGH-BROW CONVERSATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

OK, I’D BETTER GIVE IT UP COS I’M FEELING SLIGHTLY QUEASY
THE WORDS ARE LONG THE VOICE IS STRONG THE SENTIMENTS ARE EASY
IT’S KINDA TOUGH TO TELL A SCRUFF THE BIG MISTAKE HE’S MAKING
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

The Second-Largest Second_Hand Bookshop In England by Unlucky Fried Kitten

THE SECOND-HAND BOOK-SHOP
HAS OPENED IT’S DOORS
WE’VE GOT LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF NOVELS ON
THREE VOLUMINOUS FLOORS
CHECK PAPERBACK WRITERS
TO READ ON THE TRAIN
YOU KNOW IT GETS LONELY ON THE TUBE

SECOND-HAND BOOKS GOOD FOR THE MIND
COME IN AND LOOK…SEE WHAT YOU CAN FIND
BOOKS ABOUT CHEESE
AND DISEASES THAT KILL BEES
SECOND-HAND BOOKS AND SOME HAVE BEEN SIGNED

WE’VE GOT BOOKS FOR THE GARDENERS
THEY CAN FOLLOW THE PLOT
OUR CRIME SECTION’S DWINDLING SWIFTLY
THE SHOPLIFTERS ARE HOT
THE GOOD PREGNANCY GUIDEBOOK
IS LONG OVERDUE
BUT YOU KNOW IT GETS THERE IN THE END

SECOND-HAND BOOKS GOOD FOR THE BRAIN
COME IN AND LOOK STAY OUT OF THE RAIN
BOOKS ABOUT TRUE LOVE
YOU’LL FIND THEM IN FICTION
SECOND-HAND BOOKS FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT

THE SECOND-HAND BOOKSHOP
THREE VOLUMINOUS FLOORS
A MINOR CELEBRITY CAME TO OPEN THE DOORS
HE’S NOT ACTUALLY FAMOUS
BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT
I THINK HE READ CATCHER IN THE RYE

WE’VE GOT PICTURESQUE POSTCARDS
WITH COTTAGES THATCHED
WE’VE GOT BOOKS FOR UNTRAINED VIOLINISTS
WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED
TAKE A BOOK ON VACATION
BUT BUY IT HERE FIRST
YOU KNOW IT HELPS TO PAY THE RENT

SECOND-HAND BOOKS, SOME IN LARGE PRINT
UTOPIAN TALES IN MYOPIAN HINT
BOOKS ABOUT PEOPLE WITH PECULIAR LIFESTYLES
SECOND-HAND BOOKS , SOME WORTH A MINT

AT OUR SECOND-HAND BOOKSHOP
ALL YOUR SEARCHES ARE MADE
ALL MANUSCRIPTS PROFILED AND PACKAGED
AND DULY DESPATCHED
COME ON IN FOR A HARDBACK
TAKE YOUR DUSTJACKETS OFF
DON’T PUSH YOUR GRAMMAR OFF THE BUS

SECOND-HAND BOOKS JUST OPENED THIS WEEK
BOOKS ON ALL SUBJECTS IN LATIN AND GREEK
ESCAPE FROM THE RAT-RACE
YOU CAN PUT ON A BOLD FACE
SECOND-HAND BOOKS, AND SOME ARE ANTIQUE

SECOND-HAND BOOKS GIVE YOUR WIFE A SURPRISE
WITH LORD OF THE RINGS AND LORD OF THE FLIES
WE’RE NEXT TO THE FIREPLACE DELIVERY STORE
CALLED GREAT EXPECTATIONS
SECOND-HAND BOOKS

PLEASE COME IN AND BUY

Snapshot of Life at #34 Unlucky Fried Kitten

A SNAPSHOT OF LIFE AT NUMBER 34

I FLICKED UP THE LATCH ON THE GATE AND I WALKED LIKE A ZOMBIE ON ROUTE TO THE FRONT DOOR. SHE’S A GIRL I LOVED SO DEARLY AND YES SHE LEFT ME AND I’M COMING RIGHT BACK FOR MORE. SHE ASKED ME ROUND FOR CHRISTMAS.GUILTY CONSCIENCE.PROBABLY NOTHING MORE AND I WANT TO SEE HOW SHE’S COPING GET A SNAPSHOT OF LIFE AT NUMBER 34.
THE CATS HAVE GONE,SHE’S CHANGED ALL THE CURTAINS,SHE’S DONE OUT THE HALL WITH LAMINATE FLOORING.NO BEER IN THE FRIDGE,SHE’S PAINTED THE KITCHEN,PRIMROSE AND LIME,EXTREMELY BORING.
THE SHELVES I PUT UP IN THE BATHROOM HAVE DISAPPEARED AND IT’S ALL GONE AMBIENT.MY DVD’S ARE IN BOXES,SHE WANTS ME TO TAKE THEM,I’LL SEND THE NEW GIRL ROUND.I HAVEN’T REALLY GOT ONE BUT SHE DOESN’T KNOW THAT SO I’LL LET HER THINK THAT.THERE’S A SUNBED UP IN THE SPARE ROOM WHERE I KEPT THE GO-KART WITH THE 2-STROKE ENGINE.
MY BOOKS HAVE GONE,THE F-F-FISHTANK IS EMPTY,THE TOILET SEAT’S DOWN,THE LID’S OFF THE TOOTHPASTE,THE WINDOWS ARE CLEAN,SHE’S GOT A PINK LEATHER SOFA,INTEREST FREE CREDIT,OFF THE TV.
AND I WOULD NOT CLIMB THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN FOR YOU,I WOULD NOT TELL YOU LIES COS THAT’S JUST WHAT I DON’T WANT TO DO.AND IF YOU NEED THESE THINGS THEN DON’T CALL ON ME.BECAUSE I WILL BE LONG GONE.
AND I SIT HERE,IN MY ROOM,IT’S WHERE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,TO TALK ABOUT THINGS I CARE ABOUT,IT’S HERE THAT I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT INCARNATION AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,I HAVE THE INCLINATION,TO BE IN ECSTASY,IT’S ALL BECAUSE YOU’RE SO NICE AND YOU TALKED TO ME WHEN NOBODY ELSE DID AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT LOVELY EYES AND YOU LOOKED AT ME,WHEN NO-ONE ELSE DID.
I KICKED UP THE MOSS ON THE PATH AND I MARCHED LIKE A ROBOT TOWARDS THE GARDEN GATE,SHE’S A GIRL I MISS SO CLEARLY,FUCKING SINCERELY’AND SHE WANTS TO BE MY MATE,SHE ASKED ME IF I COULD FORGIVE HER,NOW THAT I’ NOT WITH HER,AND PUT IT ALL DOWN TO FATE,AND I’M SUPPOSED TO BE GRATEFUL BUT I’M JUST FEELING HATEFUL,UTTERLY TENTH RATE.
MY SELF-ESTEEM HAS GONE UP IN NAPALM,I’VE SEEN THE FUTURE,IT AIN’T TOO PRETTY,IT’S A PLAY FOR TODAY,REALITY SHOWCASE,A KITCHEN-SINK DRAMA,THE NITTY-GRITTY.
AND I WOULD NOT SWIM THE DEEPEST OCEAN FOR YOU,I WOULD NOT RIDE THE RAPIDS IN A CANOE,AND IF YOU WANT THESE THINGS THEN DON’T CALL ON ME,BECAUSE I WILL BE LONG GONE.
THE DOOR SLAMS,THE PHONE RINGS,THE POSTMAN DELIVERS MY MORNING MAIL,THE PAPER BOY SAYS “HELLO ANDY” BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT I’M GOING OFF THE RAILS,THE WORLD CAN TAKE A HIKE,IT’S OH SO UGLY AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,THERE’S NOTHING FOR ME TO LIKE,YOU SEE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,IT’S ALL BECAUSE YOU’RE SO NICE AND YOU TALKED TO ME WHEN NOBODY ELSE DID AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT LOVELY EYES,YOU LOOKED AT ME,WHEN NO-ONE ELSE DID.
I BRICKED UP THE DOOR OF MY HOUSE AND I TORE OUT THE PHONE LEAD AND I SMASHED THE TV SET,I PRAYED FOR CONSOLATION,THEN I HEARD CONVERSATION,FROM WITHIN THE KITCHENETTE,I LIT UP AN OLD CHURCH CANDLE AND I TWISTED THE HANDLE OF THE KITCHEN DOOR,SHE’S BEEN THERE,SHE’S IN THERE,I DON’T CARE,MY MIND PLAYS GAMES SOME MORE.
THE WORLD’S GONE MAD,BUT THAT’S JUST A CONCEPT,DESIGNED TO CREATE,MY OWN DEVOLUTION,LIFE IS GAME,AND SOMETIMES YOU LOSE IT,IF YOU DON’T ABUSE IT,YOU’LL FIND SOLUTION.
THERE’S MORE TO LOVE THAN TELLING LIES TO IMPRESS,YOU KNOW THAT I DON’T NEED TO PROVE MYSELF,TO TAKE THE TEST,AND IF YOU WANT ME BABY,TO BE YOUR MAN,JUST CALL ON ME AND I’LL BE ALONG,JUST CALL ON ME AND I’LL BE ALONG,
DON’ T YOU KNOW THAT I DID NO WRONG?

Speed Camera by Unlucky Fried kitten

SPEED CAMERA

I DON’T DRIVE MY MOTOR CAR FOR PLEASURE ANY MORE
IF I DID I PROBABLY COULDN’T TAKE NO MORE
I DON’T REALLY WANNA DRIVE MY CAR ANY MORE
DON’T WANNA SPEND MY TIME SITTING IN A TRAFFIC LANE
I DON’T EVER WANNA READ THE HIGHWAY CODE AGAIN
I DON’T REALLY WANNA HIT THE GAS ANY MORE

SPEED CAMERA, ANOTHER THREE POINTS IN THE CAN
SPEED CAMERA, MEANWHILE SOMEONE MUGS MY GRAN
SPEED CAMERA, AND I THINK YOU WILL AGREE
SPEED CAMERA, THEY WANNA TAKE AWAY MY KEY
BANG GOES THE FLASH
BANG GOES MY CASH

HERE’S ANOTHER CHEQUE WITH MY AUTOGRAPH
YES I’M BANG TO RIGHTS YOU GOT A PHOTOGRAPH
I’M NEVER GONNA DRIVE OVER THIRTY AGAIN
ALL THE FASTER CARS I JUST LET THEM PASS
WHEN I’M EVEN GOOD THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE UP MY REAR
I CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF THE SPEEDO AGAIN

SPEED CAMERA, NOW THEY’VE GOT ME IN THE FRAME
SPEED CAMERA, HAS YOUR MASTER ANY SHAME?
SPEED CAMERA, A LITTLE PRESENT IN THE POST
SPEED CAMERA MAKES ME CHOKE UPON MY TOAST
ZAP GOES THE GUN
GUILTY JOB DONE

YOU LOST YOUR LICENCE FIRST AND THEN YOU LOST YOUR CAR
AND THEN YOU LOST YOUR JOB AND THEN YOU LOST YOUR HOUSE
DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, BUT YOU PROBABLY WILL
I SAW A SHOOTING STAR IN THE SKY LAST NIGHT
BUT ON SECOND GLANCE IT WAS A GATSO LIGHT
DON’T THINK IT’S GONNA CHANGE, NOT IN MY LIFETIME

SPEED CAMERA, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE AIR
SPEED CAMERA, IT’S A LUDICROUS AFFAIR
SPEED CAMERA, IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO?
SPEED CAMERA, THEY’RE SNAPPING ME AND SNAPPING YOU
SPEED CAMERA, ALBERT EINSTEIN CAUGHT LAST NIGHT
SPEED CAMERA, FOR DRIVING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT
SPEED CAMERA, SPEED CAMERA

YOUR CAMERAS ARE A FORM OF INSANITY (engine sto

EveryBody's In A Band-Unlucky Fried Kitten

EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND

EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND IN TRANSIT VANS ACROSS THE LAND
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND
FIRST YOU START A SONG IN G THEN MOVE DOWN TO F AND E
AS A TWIST YOU JUMP TO D
EVERYBODY’S ON THE SCENE FROM BEXLEYHEATH TO BETHNAL GREEN
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND
EVERYBODY’S IN A GROUP THEY’RE HAPPY TO BE IN THE LOOP
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND
FIRST YOU NEED TO LEARN TO SHOUT
THEN YOU HAVE YOUR BRAINS KICKED OUT
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND

THIS A SONG FOR THE GIRL OVER THERE
SHE’S GOT STARS IN HER EYES AND SOME BEADS IN HER HAIR
THIS IS A SONG FOR THE NATIONAL CHARTS
AND THIS ONE WILL REALLY BE BREAKING YOUR HEARTS


EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND THE TEETH ARE WHITE THE BODY’S TANNED
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND
EVERYBODY’S GOT A SONG HOLD THE FRONT PAGE WON’T BE LONG
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND
EVERYBODY’S GOT AN AXE WE’LL SOON BE PAYING SUPERTAX
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND
EVERYBODY’S GOT A VOICE SING HIGH OR LOW YOU GOT THE CHOICE
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND
EVERYBODY’S ON TV ON YOUTUBE OR THE BBC
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND

THIS IS A SONG FOR THE MAN IN THE STREET
PUT DOWN YOUR BRIEFCASE AND DANCE TO THE BEAT
THIS IS A SONG FOR THE RADIO DJ
NOW WE HAVE WROTE IT PLEASE PLAY IT TODAY

EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND
EVERYBODY’S IN A BAND

Unlucky Fried Kitten Setlist

The following songs are possibilities for the setlist when Unlucky Fried Kitten (a pop band)play at Sounds@ZebraBar on 17th September 2008. Songs which are definites for the gig are marked with an asterix. Unlucky Fried Kitten unleash their new guitarist for this gig. He's called Justin Older. Much importance has been placed upon this gig because it coincides with the new sound of UFK as heard on their latest single release...the epic...Kitten On Your Doorstep. (epic because it is 12 minutes long) Will this gig be a shambles? Will this gig be a revelation? Will this gig even go ahead? UFK insist it will go ahead....just need a few more practices. On with the set-list selection for Unlucky Fried Kitten....formed in Maidstone in the mid 90's....been kicking around the music scene for 13 years now. Unlucky Fried Kitten...stablemates, (or should that be housemates?)of The Bolans and The Cemetery Gaes and V2086 and I Am A Spider and Mickey Apples.

I Am A Robot
Loserville.com *
To Whom It May Concern
It's Only People*
Scrap Metal*
EveryBody's In A Band
Three A.M.*
The Elevator Dance
Facebook Baby
MySpace Song
Life On E-Bay
My Applemac Is My Best Friend
Jesus Christ Superstore
Life In My Town
I Am A Spider*
Shooting Star*
Made In Russia*



So....the definites for the Maidstone Unlucky Fried Kitten gig on 17/9/08 are:

LOSERVILLE.COM
SCRAP METAL
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
I AM A SPIDER
SHOOTING STAR
PEOPLE
MADE IN RUSSIA
THREE A.M.

That concludes the set-list. The songs which did not make the final 8 will be up for selection at future gigs.

Unlucky Fried Kitten (a pop band) Maidstone, Kent.
unlucky fried kitten...see 40 videos on YouTube